Lately

So, we have had no internet for the last few weeks which made me realise how much time I spend on it. It was so hard to not be able to check all the blogs I read. I did go around to my parents place and use their computer once so didn’t feel completely technologyless!

Dave and I at the moment are trying to figure out our finances so we can really start to plan for the future – you know, house, kids, an overseas trip. I think planning for the trip has been one of the few things that has been keeping me going over the last few weeks. Even though we aren’t exactly sure when we are going, we are planning on next year sometime. America is number one on the list, but I’m hoping that we might be able to do Europe as well, especially as I have wanted to go there since I was about 12. It will just be a matter of money and if we can get the time off from work.

I’ve been going through the Lonely Planet guidebooks gathering all sorts of information about the places we might want to see, and getting websites and pricings where I can. I have names of accommodation, hotels and hostels, recommended eateries and suggestions of things to see and do. I’ve written down a massive list from some books I borrowed from the library, but another thing I love to do is go to Boarders and grab a hot chocolate and a pile of book. So the last few times I’ve done that I’ve been going through all the travel books I can get my hands on, so not only do I have a massive list of ideas, I also have a ridiculous amount of scraps of paper and envelopes that I’ve been writing tips and info down on. Then I decided to get super organised and so now I’ve started to put all of the information I’ve gathered into a spreadsheet on my computer, which is really cool because when you type in websites it creates a hyperlink, so that later I can go back and click on the link to go straight to the website for up to date information direct from the hotels, tourists info sites, restaurants and everything else! (I do realise how super geek I sound, but I don’t really care!)

I’ve been back at work for nearly three weeks now, and I’m completely exhausted! In fact yesterday was fantastic! (just a little note, that was sarcastic) I was pinched, stomped on by a child, and he then attempted to bite me...all in the first 20 minutes of the day! Wow, can you say fun? Needless to say I’m not particularly enjoying myself at the moment. In fact most days at the moment I feel like I’m only just hovering above a complete meltdown. Some days it has been a massive struggle just to get out of bed in the mornings and I put off until the very last possible second. I feel like I am in a constant state of panic, just waiting for something to go wrong, and coming back down from that at the end of the working day can take hours, especially if I can’t just go home and crash. It feels like there is just no joy in me, no excitement about everyday life, and no way to get away from these feelings.

Reading all those travel books and planning for this trip has been one of the few things that has kept me sane at the moment. Most of my days have been filled with murky gray feelings and anxiety levels that are off the chart. I feel like if I can just make it through the next few months, it might get better, or if I could get a new job it might get better, or once we have gone on our trip things will get better. I’m always looking to the time things might get better. At the moment I’m hanging out for the next lot of term holidays – seven weeks. It’s pretty sad though if you have been counting down since the first week back.

At least its Friday eve today! One day till the weekend!