I can't believe it's been nearly 10 days since I last wrote a post. It's not that I haven't had a lot to write about, I just haven't had the energy to.
I am feeling quite overwhelmed by a number of things at the moment, and so my internal processing hasn't been it's usual self, but now as I start to write I wish I had done this sooner, as I always find my way through the maze of my thoughts when I start to write.
If anyone happens to read my blog, you will notice that I have been writing about the book "Strong Women, Soft Hearts." and that Chapter 6 is where I am up to. This chapter has really challenged me and brought a lot of things to the surface that I believe God wants me to deal with and look closely at in my life. (more on that when I write that post)
My job is causing me some grief at the moment and I can't really figure out what it is specifically that has me so upset about work, I think it's one of those times where there are so many little things that bother me that I feel like I'm drowning in frustration.
I work in a local school, in the department that assists children with special needs. We are not a special needs school, but the department is quite large and we have students from a wide range of ages, with a wide range of needs.
I currentlyy have 6 students I work with from pre-school through to year 9. I did have a seventh student, but she was in year 12 and has now finished school. I work with the largest number of individual students of all the classroom aides in our department.
I also have two of the highest needs and most challenging children. Both these little boys have Autism, and they are not high functioning. One of them is even violent frequently - towards both staff and his peers.
One of the most frustrating aspects of the job is when all the adults that are involved with a particular child are not on the same page. I quite often get emails from a particular students teacher about how he is disruptive in class and she has to spend extra time one on one with him otherwise he doesn't work up to the level of the other students! Of course he doesn't! That's why he has special assistance, because he can't. Think about what you're typing for two seconds! This same teacher, of course, does not actually let me know what work he is doing so that I can assist him with it, she just expects that somehow it will magically be done! Arrgh
The other thing that I really struggle with is how much gossip and backstabbing goes on amongst the staff in my department. There are 22 women and there are a couple of people who are constantly saying nasty things about other staff behind their backs. There's even one lady who made really horrible comments about my husband and his job to my face one day, and then wondered why I was upset with her!
So after working for 7 hours a day in this environment, I'm just exhausted and physically and mentally drained by the time I get home from work.
Which is why my house is a complete disaster right now - it's a direct reflection on how the inside of my head feels!
So if you do happen upon my blog, and are the praying type, I would appreciate some prayers as to what I should do. Because of financial reasons I can't just quit, so I really need some wisdom and guidance on this matter. And also on being patient and waiting on God's timing for a few other areas I haven't mentioned.