Friday, November 30, 2012
my heart hurting in the best possible way when I look at my little boy
watching Dave become "daddy"
Hugo's tiny nose in profile
also his tiny fingers and toes, the way he purses his lips and all the funny little faces he makes
catching one of his lopsided smiles on camera
staring at him while he feeds, and knowing that he is perfectly content while he is nursing
how completely I have fallen in love with him and being his mummy
know that just a month ago he was still in my womb, and what an incredible miracle conception, birth and life is
that I would be so blessed in this life, and given the gift of my husband and baby
knowing that God sent His Son to earth in the form of a tiny baby like Hugo, and that He made the ultimate sacrifice for me.
Wonder is experiencing Christmas (and life) with a new perspective this year.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
I have always struggled with knowing my purpose, with knowing what it it I'm supposed to be doing with my life, what God wants me to be doing. In the past I have felt like I have wasted days and frittered them away doing meaningless things.
I can honestly say that while these last three weeks have flown by in a whirlwind of feeding, nappies and sleep, not once have I felt purposeless. Not once have I felt like days were passing and lie was passing me by.
Never has my life been richer, nor my purpose more clear than since I became "mummy."
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Things I have been surprised by since we Hugo arrived...
That his poo doesn't completely gross me out. And that I actually tried to catch it one day to stop it from going all over the change mat (you know you're a mother when you do that!)
How confident Dave has been with holding him, changing nappies, dressing him, putting him in his car seat, and just in general. I knew he would be a great dad, but his instant confidence in the role took me by surprise.
How completely in love with Hugo I am.
How completely all consuming caring for him has been these first couple of weeks.
How protective of him I am, and how cautiously I want to be in introducing him to the wider world around him.
That having him has made me love Dave even more. Having and loving our son has increased the love I have for his father.
How much praying I have been doing. I don't think I have ever prayed as much as I have over the last couple of weeks. Prayer has become almost constant, and they seem to be much deeper emotionally for me as I pray for Hugo.
That I seem to have forgotten what life was like before him.
That co-sleeping feels completely right for our family.
That I want to have another baby as soon as possible.
That it really is true that you forget the pain of childbirth. It takes a few days, but that memory really does pass.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
The days seem to roll together and the last two weeks are a blur, no one day standing out from the rest. We have relished the time together, the three of us all at home, learning about this new life we have created, a family.
We are learning more and more about our little son. We are learning what his different noises mean and how best to respond to them.
He has begun to have some longer periods of time where he is awake, and his eyes are starting to focus much better. We love staring into the deep blue of them, talking to him, kissing him, reading with him.
Dave is back at work this week, and we are very blessed that my Mum has been able to take some time off and will come and spend some days with Hugo and I. While we will miss Daddy we are so thankful for his job and for how hard he works to provide for us.
Monday, November 12, 2012
(I wrote this when he was eight days old, but I have had computer issues and so am now only getting the chance to put up on the blog.)
Hugo, you were one week old yesterday and already mama is a little concerned about how quickly the days are going.
These first days with you have been a blur, a mix of sleeping, eating, nappy changes and staring at you.
Hours can disappear as we drink in you, your scent, your tiny features and all the little noises you make.
My hormones kicked in at about day five and I get all teary at the drop of a hat. It's yet to be over anything bad, simply because I'm aware of how blessed I am and how undeserving of it all I am.
That God would entrust you to us astounds me. You are precious beyond words. Your daddy and I can't imagine life without you, and we both seem to have forgotten what life was like before you.
Our love for you has only increased our love for each other and I cannot imagine a more incredible man for you to call "daddy." He has astounded me with his confidence as a parent and seeing the two of you together takes my breath away.
We love you little Hugo and are cherishing these early days at home together, the three of us, knowing that soon daddy will be back at work, and you will keep growing, faster that we can keep up with.