Friday, April 26, 2013
On Hitting My Stride
I love being mama. It's really all I have ever always wanted to be.
No one has ever filled my heart the way my son does. Nothing has ever been as beautiful to hold, as sweet to smell and as captivating to watch.
Right from the first moment I held him I felt complete. I found my purpose.
Oh, but there was some internal struggle, wrestling between my old self and my new self as mama.
I am an introvert. I need "me time." and usually a lot of it. I get refreshed from having time to myself.
But you don't get much me time as a new mother. Especially when you are the new mother of a new little boy who doesn't sleep well during the day. Who prefers to sleep in your arms. and if he does sleep on his own they are very, very, very short sleeps.
I'm not sure of the exact day, but it was about six weeks ago. Hugo was around 4 months, maybe a little older, when I realised that I was feeling more me again.
Not feeling exactly like the old me, the pre-mummy me, but feeling more myself.
I was laughing more easily, breathing more easily, feeling more human, and less tired. (Hugo starting to sleep better during the day has helped a lot)
I felt settled into my new role, and ok with the fact that it's different from my old one.
Don't get me wrong, I don't, not for one second, prefer the old me. I don't for one second miss the old me with more "me time."
I have everything I ever wanted. It just took me a little longer then I though it would to figure out my new rhythm, to really find my stride.
I have found it, and it is so very, very good.